The Song of Prufrock
by hashire
Summary: He needed a tutor. She was taking college-level classes at 15. Neither knew how hard this would be for them. AU. Possible KanLena.
1. The Awakening

Standard disclaimers apply here.

prompt: passing

AU of the high school flavor. This is based on the fact that Kanda is loldumb, or at least uneducated haha, and Lenalee is smrt. The title is taken from the title of a poem by T.S. Eliot. _The Awakening _is by Kate Chopin._ The Great Gatsby_ is, of course, by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The other parts are done but I'm sitting on them for a bit because I'm really not too sure about how this has turned out; I'll probably put the second part up next Monday, or around that. There's a significance in the books I chose. There are two books in the other parts, and the chapters are named for them. They fit with the endings, along with said purpose. Also, it's _possible_, as the summary says, because who knows what's going to happen at this point. Look at the books. That's all I'll say about it for now. Feedback would be lovely. I've read this so many times that I'm sick of doing it, so hopefully there aren't any errors because of that, but if there are, please point them out.

* * *

_The Awakening_

English was never Kanda's best subject. He struggled with it all throughout high school, always getting low grades on his report card. Junior year proved to be the breaking point.

On his last paper, his English teacher wrote that he should come and see her. When he did, she told him to get a tutor, because he was failing and that was the only thing that would help. He didn't say much, and didn't do anything until the progress reports came out. The reason why was because his mother was furious over his grades, and told him the same thing his English teacher did: to get a tutor.

There was one difference between this situation and the one with his English teacher. His mother, a short woman by anyone's account, drew herself up to her full height, looked him straight in the eye, and told him, "Or else." There was no need to specify what the "or else" would be; the thought of any of her punishments was enough to make him agree.

"Good," she said, smiling, all threatening manners gone. "Now, there's a tutoring program at the school, right?"

"No," he responded, and didn't say anything else. The smile on his mother's face disappeared.

"Well, what are we going to do?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Don't talk to me like that, Yu." He had nothing to say, then.

To say he was irritated would be an understatement. His mother sat down at the kitchen table to think.

"Oh! I wonder if…" She trailed off before revealing whatever idea she had. He almost wanted to ask what she was going to say, but knew he would get scolded for snapping or "his tone," so he remained silent. However, she continued. "I wonder if that lab worker – what's-his-name? – who's always bragging over lunch…hmm."

"What?" He couldn't stop himself from asking that, because he really just wanted to get out of there, but was sure that his mother wouldn't let him until she figured something out. She looked up at him again, but didn't scold him.

"There's a young man who works in the lab," she explained, tapping her fingers against the table, "whom I chat with at lunch. He has a younger sister who is in advanced – college level, actually – English classes and is doing incredibly well; he brings in her papers and tests, along with her report card in January. I was thinking I could ask him if she would be willing to tutor you."

"His sister?" Kanda repeated, his tone filled with doubt.

"Yes, his sister," his mother responded, ignoring his tone of voice for once. "She goes to the all-girls school across town, but if she agrees I'm sure something can be worked out. Now go upstairs and study!"

* * *

A few days later, he found his mother sitting in the kitchen, waiting for him with a big smile on her face. Kanda set his bag down and approached her warily. That smile didn't look good.

"She said yes!" she announced jubilantly. He frowned.

"Who said yes?" He couldn't figure out what she was talking about.

"Komui's sister," she began, and went on before he could ask who the hell that was, "agreed to tutor you three times a week. Komui – the young man I was talking about a few days ago, remember? – was hesitant at first, but when I suggested that you two meet at the library - and told him what your grades were like - he was willing to ask her. He originally proposed that you meet twice a week, but I talked him into one more day because lord knows you need it." He was scowling at her at this point, but her smile did not budge.

"Is that all?" he snapped, just wanting to go upstairs and take a nap at this point.

"Drop the tone," his mother replied, but still her mood was not dampened. "Anyway, you'll be seeing her Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays until the end of the school year." The frown on his face deepened; it was March, and finals were in June. He'd have to put up with some whiny schoolgirl telling him he was stupid for three months. "Tomorrow is Friday, of course, so you'll be meeting her at the public library at four. I'll call you to make sure you don't forget." _You're going to go, and I'm going to make sure of it_ was what she meant, and he knew there was no way of getting out of this.

"Fine." There was no point in arguing; he resigned himself to it. His mother kept smiling.

"She'll probably get there before you because her school is closer. She'll be wearing a uniform so it shouldn't be too hard to find her. Komui says she wears her hair in pigtails – and he went on and on about how cute she is." She didn't disclose the fact that Komui told her to make sure her son didn't get too close to his sister; she couldn't imagine it happening anyway, as he had shown no interest in girls whatsoever.

"Is that it?"

"Mmm, I think so…oh! And her name is Lenalee."

* * *

It was a gorgeous day. There was no possibility of using weather as an excuse for being late – or not being there at all.

Lavi, who hung around him even though Kanda was never amicable toward him, had told him this was probably his best chance of _ever_ talking to a girl, so he should definitely go. (Why he told Lavi all of this, he still didn't know. He had offered to help Kanda in the past, but Kanda always refused because he was already around the idiot – in behavior, not academics – enough.)

So, he heaved a sigh and yanked the library door open at 4:07 that afternoon. His mother had called him three times to make sure he _remembered_ that he had plans that afternoon. There was no way he could forget at this point. He trudged into the building, walked past the detectors and started toward the tables.

What was he supposed to look for again? His mother hadn't reminded him of that, and he had only been half-listening when she told him about his new tutor. He had been too busy brooding over the situation to properly hear her. All he could remember was "how cute she is" because his mother said it right before she stopped talking.

Kanda scanned the room; there were a couple of girls sitting at tables with schoolbooks out. He had never been very focused on looks and paid little attention to the girls at his school, so "how cute she is" wasn't going to help. He wondered if he could just say he couldn't find her and leave.

"Excuse me." The words came from behind him; he moved to the side to let the person past, but she didn't walk by him. She only took a few steps so that she was standing next to him. "Are you...um. Oh, I have it written in my notebook but now I can't remember."

"What do you want?" he asked curtly. She flinched a little out of surprise but didn't leave or even move away.

"I'm here," she responded with a tone of slight irritation for being snapped at, "because I'm supposed to be tutoring someone. We were going to meet at four, but I ducked into the bathroom to get changed." He had hardly looked at her until that moment; she was a few inches shorter than him, had dark hair and eyes, and was holding what appeared to be a uniform wrapped around itself into a ball. Uniform…hadn't his mother mentioned something about that? And "pigtails" was nagging at him, but she had her hair in a bun. She shifted uncomfortably and he realized he had been staring while trying to remember his mother's words. He glanced away toward the windows, and they were both quiet for a few moments.

"Oh, wait, now I remember." She broke into the awkward silence with a sudden declaration. "Yu Kanda; that was it." He turned at the sound of his name, and she smiled. "It is you. I'm Lenalee Lee; it's nice to meet you." She shifted her clothes to one hand and held out the other. He looked down at it and didn't do anything for a moment. Her smile faded a touch until he finally took her hand for a quick handshake. "All right, let's find somewhere to sit."

Since it was Friday afternoon and sunny outside, they had no trouble finding a table. Kanda pulled out his books slowly, but Lenalee busied herself with shoving her uniform into her bag and selected a thin notebook out of it. Flipping it open, she then waited for him to arrange his books, her gaze unwavering.

"So, what are you studying right now?" The book came out last, and he slapped it on top of everything. She had been ready for more of that sort of behavior after being snapped at and didn't flinch, just peered at the cover. "_The Awakening_. Ah, that's good; I read it last year."

He frowned. How was it that she was so far ahead of him? During one of the three reminder calls, his mother had dropped in the fact that Lenalee had recently turned fifteen. His birthday wasn't until June, but Kanda was still almost two years older than her, and yet she was already in advanced classes and had read the book he was struggling with.

"Um, Yu?" She sounded uncomfortable, like before, and he realized that he had been staring at her _again_ while he was thinking.

"Call me Kanda," was all he said, turning away once more.

"All right." She seemed sure after the exchange for whatever reason and started flipping through his notebook. He was about to ask her what she was doing when she spoke. "Are these all the notes you have for this day?" She pointed to two lines on the page, underneath a date from a few weeks ago. Following the two lines was another date – the next class day. He nodded. "You need to take better notes than that. I can show you how to do that, too."

* * *

Her watch beeped at six.

"Oh, sorry, I have to get home," she explained, looking at the watch and starting to gather up her things. "My brother doesn't want me to be out very late." The second part held a twinge of annoyance and a hint of fondness, but she didn't tell him anything past that.

"Fine," he muttered in response, putting his books away and paying careful attention to that; there were a few more points that afternoon where he had found himself staring at her while being lost in thought. Her reaction became more variable as it continued, but she never said anything specific about it.

Lenalee didn't stand until he finished shoving the last book back into his bag. She straightened the short skirt she was wearing and took her hair down, only to retie it back the same way.

They walked out together, simply because she waited for him. Kanda couldn't figure out why.

"There he is," she announced brightly as a car came rolling into the parking lot. They watched it come to a stop in front of them and Lenalee walked over to it, opening the door and saying something to whoever was inside it in a language he didn't understand. She then motioned him over, and, after a moment's hesitation, he took the few steps to the car. "This is my brother, Komui; he works with your mother."

"I know that," Kanda grumbled, not liking how Komui was looking at him.

"You'd better not do anything to hurt my sweet, adorable sister," he finally spoke; he had a little bit of an accent, hardly noticeable but still there. "This is just for tutoring. Remember that."

Kanda frowned and said nothing. Like he would ever want to do anything past this stupid tutoring. Lenalee gave an irritated sigh and put her hands on her hips.

"What did I say last night?" Komui turned to her and gave her a pathetic look. It did nothing.

"But Lenalee-"

"No buts. Let's go home." She got into the car and gave Kanda one last smile. "I'll see you on Monday, okay?"

"Yeah," he responded, already starting to walk away.

* * *

After that, they fell into a routine: Kanda met Lenalee at the library three times a week, she was always be three steps ahead of him, and Komui threatened him every Friday.

Through all of it, though, she never implied that he was stupid or that he desperately needed her help (as his mother seemed to think - and she was probably right), and even when he would give up or not want to do anything, she coaxed him calmly through her obvious exasperation.

His mother was very pleased with his next progress report and essay grade; they were both much higher than before.

"See?" she said, holding both up, "Wasn't this a good idea?" He didn't say anything. He didn't care about his English grades either way.

The routine was broken, however, the day she asked him an odd question.

It was mid-May. The school year was coming to a close and finals would be upon them soon. One Wednesday, she suddenly brought something else up.

They had been studying _The Great Gatsby _when she changed the subject. "Mmm, you know, there's an end of the year dance at my school this Friday."

"Is it at four?" He was perfectly fine with missing a Friday meeting, actually.

"No, it's not that," she admitted, staring down at the book. She appeared unable to tear herself away from it, even though he knew she wasn't reading. "They – the school, that is – said we could invite people from other schools to the dance."

He gave her a blank look, not understanding what she was trying to say. Lenalee sighed and turned her gaze from the book to him.

"I was wondering if you'd like to come with me." She was unwavering in her words, but appeared unsure in spite of that.

"I'm busy," he told her immediately, and he wasn't lying. His mother wanted him to fix something in the house, but told him to wait until then because the weeknights should be dedicated to homework. He didn't think to apologize for it, nor did he realize that she would have been happy to hear he had plans and put off the chore until the next day.

"Oh. That's all right," she replied, and still smiled at him. "Maybe another time?"

"What do you mean?" She looked at him for a moment.

"I mean…never mind." The smile on her face was gone, and she started flipping through the book again. "Which question were we on?"

"…seven."

She acted slightly annoyed the rest of time they were together, and that Friday it was the same. Once the next week began, however, Lenalee was back to the way she used to be. Kanda didn't know the reasons for the changes in behavior, nor did he understand why she asked him that question. But he never said anything, and she never brought it up.

* * *

In June, three things happened: Kanda turned seventeen, he passed his English final with no trouble at all, and he had a dream about Lenalee. Initially they were out somewhere together, but it quickly devolved into them together in his room...on his bed.

The dream bothered him, but the fact that he suddenly realized he would miss her that summer bothered him more.

The last time they saw each other, she'd said, "Well, maybe I'll see you in the fall?" She sounded hopeful.

"Probably," was all he offered in response. She seemed to be waiting for something else, but he had nothing to say. Disappointment flitted across her face so quickly it was hard to know if it had actually been there; then she smiled at him and...that had been it.

Now, as he sat alone in his room, he was confused. Why did he want to see her? And why did _she_ seem to want to see him again? He had no answers to either question.

It was a long summer that year.


	2. The Remains of the Day

Standard disclaimers apply here.

prompt: literature

This is set a little later. _The Remains of the Day_ is by Kazuo Ishiguro. "Walking After Midnight" is by Patsy Cline (I wrote the lyrics like that because I write lines of poetry like that in papers). I did my best to keep the ending of the book ambiguous but had to have it imply things here. As before, the book/song have significance. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews so far; I wasn't sure about this at all, so I'm glad people like it. Sorry for the delay. I've been busy with papers and an exam...and I sort of lost interest in this, but it's all written, so it doesn't matter, I guess. The last part is done, too, but I don't know, I need to figure out a few things about it, along with whether or not I should add another if I can't edit it to end it satisfactorily. I spent a lot of time rereading and editing this so hopefully it turned out well, but I'm still not sure about a few parts. Feedback would be lovely, and thanks again to everyone who has reviewed so far.

* * *

_The Remains of the Day_

High school English was a breeze compared to college English classes.

Kanda had chosen to go to a college in town mostly because he had been lazy about getting applications out and this was one of his last resorts. Luckily, they accepted him, which saved him from his mother's wrath. (She told him he was going to get an education no matter what; he didn't really want to find out what alternative methods she might have had.)

He was still at home, and while that meant less money spent, it also meant his mother knew he was struggling. She had quicker access to everything, and always had to look over his tests and papers when they were returned. Once, he managed to keep an essay from her, but it slipped out of his bag at some point and his mother found it before he realized it was gone. When she saw the grade, she was resolute.

"I'm going to call Lenalee and this is going to get straightened out."

_Lenalee_, he thought faintly. He hadn't spoken to her for almost a year. He had one English class senior year because that was all he needed; because of that, he hadn't seen her since January.

At the beginning of first semester, she attempted once more to invite him to see her outside of the tutoring, but he again claimed he was busy – except that time it had been a lie. It wasn't that her brother's weekly threats scared him (what a stupid idea). He didn't know how else to respond.

After that, Lenalee stopped asking him those questions.

They'd said goodbye shortly after Christmas. She had given him a present the week prior to finals, right after they'd come back from break, but he hadn't gotten her anything in return. Half because he hadn't thought of it until a few days before, partly because (he thought) it was too late, and mostly because he had no idea what he would get her. She waved her hand and told him it was okay, but he felt that it wasn't, for some reason.

For her part, Lenalee hadn't shown it; she pushed through and helped him that day as much as any other day - which was a lot. And apparently he needed it again.

The thought of seeing her made him feel almost uneasy, and he couldn't figure out why.

* * *

It had been nine months – from mid-January to early October – since he had last seen her. There were only a few things that had changed since then: she was taller (by at least a few inches, at that), and her hair was short. She used to wear it up often, so it was a surprise to see it down; it was straight and just past her chin at that point.

She forewent any normal greeting (at least, in his opinion) and came up and hugged him.

"It's good to see you," Lenalee said when she pulled back, and gave him a bright smile.

"Yeah," Kanda responded after a moment, glancing away. The smile quickly became teasing.

"So I heard you're not doing so well again," she began, and before he could say anything to that, she went on, "Your mother called my brother and asked to speak to me. When she called me - she had to threaten my brother before he gave her my number - she sounded a little…panicked, almost." She seemed amused, especially so when she told him that his mother terrorized her brother (because he was certain that she had done exactly that).

"She worries too much about the wrong things," he muttered, turning and walking toward a table. Lenalee almost tripped in her attempt to keep up and he noticed she was wearing high-heeled boots. She hadn't really grown, then; the boots had added the inches. She saw him looking at them and glanced down as well.

"I got these yesterday," she explained, even though he didn't ask. "I wanted to wear them even though I knew I'd regret it – and I do. My feet are killing me."

"Then why don't you just take them off?" It seemed like the obvious solution to him.

"I can't walk around in public barefoot!" she returned, but it was apparent that she didn't think it was a bad idea. "It's better after I sit for a while; how about here?" It was the first table in the long line of them, and while he would have preferred to go farther back, he set his bag down because of what she had said.

Lenalee sat down and gave a relieved sigh before reaching into her bag and pulling out a notebook. She always brought her old notes with her, in case she needed them, but he never recalled her referring to them.

"So," she stated once he started taking his books out, "what are you reading now?" The book was set in front of her instead of thrown down like the first time they met. She stared at the cover for a long time without saying anything.

"Have you read it?" Kanda asked, assuming her silence meant she was unfamiliar with the book and didn't know what to say.

"Yes, I have read it," she murmured, so quietly that he had to almost lean over to hear her, "This summer, actually. Someone recommended it to me." She didn't say why they had, of course, because he hadn't finished the book, based on where the bookmark sat. "The ending…it's a little unsatisfying, but many things are wrapped up."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to spoil it for you," Lenalee replied, loud enough that it was easier to hear her but not enough to disturb others. "How do you like it so far?"

"It's boring." She laughed a little.

"It is a little long-winded, I suppose, but I liked it. Then again, I read it on my own time, not for a class, so that probably helped." Kanda gave her a look of disbelief; how could she have liked it even if she read it outside of class? "Oh, come on, it's won awards and is a classic in its own time. At least try to appreciate it."

"Whatever," Kanda muttered, grabbing the book and flipping to the spot he had read to.

"No sheets of questions this time around, I take it?" He shook his head and she thought for a few moments. "Do you have your notes?" He opened his notebook as well and showed it to her. "Well, let's go off that," she said, picking up _The Remains of the Day_ where he had set it when taking up the notebook.

"Whatever," he repeated, but leaned over to see the page she had turned to; she set the book between them, and started talking about it.

* * *

The next time they met, he was supposed to have read three-quarters of the book. _Supposed to_ were the key words.

"You have to keep up," Lenalee scolded him, and pushed the book into his hands. "If you don't, you're going to fall farther and farther behind. Do your reading now."

"But-"

"No buts; you're going to do it." She was firm in this. "There's no set structure for how these sessions are supposed to go; if you need to read, then you should read. And if you have any questions, I'm right here." She dropped the scolding tone at the end and adopted a cheery one.

"…Fine." He opened the book and picked up where he left off, but kept getting distracted. It wasn't exactly quiet in the library, and Lenalee was rustling around in her bag for a minute or two before pulling out a few schoolbooks and notebooks and settling in to do her own homework.

Except, Kanda noticed, she kept looking up at him. Every five minutes, it seemed, she turned away from her books and glanced over at him. Finally, he put his book down during one of those many times.

"_What_?" At first she appeared surprised at his tone and the fact that she had been, well, caught, but then frowned.

"I wanted to see where you were in the book," she returned, just as snippily. He grabbed the book and showed it to her. "…Okay, good."

She put her head back down. Kanda sensed her irritation but didn't know what to do, so he continued reading. She said nothing else and kept her eyes on her homework for the rest of the time after that.

When her watch beeped, Lenalee stood right away and put her books in her bag. She gaze never strayed to him while she did this, and she gave a curt goodbye before leaving, not waiting for him to respond.

* * *

That night, he finished the book. There was nothing else to do, and he had to read it all by the end of the week anyway.

_How stupid_, he thought, putting the book down. _Spending all that time making excuses and going on about her and not realizing…_

The thought stopped there because he felt like there was something he should have gotten out of that, but couldn't figure out what. Even after thinking about it the next day, and sitting through a lecture that had a section dedicated to that part of it, he still couldn't get it.

* * *

Lenalee was fidgety when he first walked into the library that Friday. She hadn't waited at the door like she had earlier in the week; instead, he found her at a table near the back of the library, tapping her pencil against her notebook. She didn't seem to see him coming, and jumped a little when he said her name.

"Oh, sorry, I was daydreaming," she explained, setting her books to the side. "Class was let out early today, so I've been here for a while. Did you finish the book?"

"Yeah." He didn't elaborate, so she asked him another question.

"What did you think of it?" He shrugged, and she seemed a little…disappointed at this response, or lack thereof. "Oh. I thought…well, let's just talk about it, then."

"You thought what?" He wanted to know what she meant by that, because maybe she could tell him why he felt like he missed something.

"The ending," she replied after a long pause; he had begun to think she wasn't going to respond. "What she said to him, and his reaction. I thought…I thought it would spark something, I guess."

"Spark what?" Instead of making sense of it, he was only more confused. Suddenly, her mood turned.

"Oh, you're such an idiot!" This surprised him; in the few years Lenalee had tutored Kanda, she had never even implied that he was stupid, nor had she ever said a harsh word toward him. She started piling her books up and began shoving them in her bag. She was silent throughout this, and he couldn't think of anything to do. Finally, she looked at him. "I thought this would make you _see_ something, but I guess I was wrong."

With that, she stood and stalked away, leaving him bewildered and alone.

* * *

It was raining when he left the library ten minutes later. It had been overcast all day, and his mother, who watched the weather channel constantly, had put an umbrella in his bag that morning. He opened it as he stepped outside and prepared for the long walk home. The cold wind and his footfalls were all he could hear for a while.

A few blocks away from the library, he encountered her.

Lenalee was standing under a tree that still had most of its leaves; she was shivering in her school uniform and thin jacket, stranded without an umbrella. It was hardly a good source of shelter; the tree was not as bare as the others on the street, but she was still getting dripped on. She had her back to him so she didn't see him approaching. She was talking, and it took him a moment to see that she had a cell phone to her ear.

"…No, it didn't work out," she replied wearily to whoever was on the other end. "I got upset and left." A pause as she listened. "No, I don't think there's any chance...I misinterpreted everything, that's all...I know what I said, and I just told you I was wrong...Yeah, I thought this was the perfect chance, even with the two past turn-downs...No, it was my fault for trying to use a book as a way to get him to realize something. I should have known better, especially since this is his worst subject...I am going to blame myself. I was the one who stupidly fell in love with him and thought maybe he felt the same way..."

Kanda, who had been listening to the conversation from a few feet away, felt his heart start to beat faster. Was _that_ what she meant about the ending? The realization that...

Again, the thought was not finished, because she turned around at the sound of a car driving by. She looked surprised, but it quickly faded into one of irritation.

"I'll call you back later, okay?" She didn't wait for a response. She shoved the phone into her pocket before addressing him. "What is it?" she asked, not bothering to cover up her annoyance.

"I live this way," he replied without thinking. She continued to frown.

"Then go home," she said, wrapping her arms around herself as she shivered. He walked toward her, tossing his bag on the sidewalk (who cared if everything inside it got wet?), and peeled off his jacket.

"I'm not going to go home," he told her. She watched him perform all these actions with a wary expression on her face, but he handed her his jacket nonetheless and held the umbrella over her head.

"What are you doing?" she demanded. "If you're being nice to me because you feel sorry for me, you can stop it right now." He didn't respond. She stared at him for a few seconds, but put the jacket on because she was so cold. "Tell me something, Kanda."

"What?" He had no idea where this was going.

"Is there anyone that you like? Or, to go farther, love?" She appeared to not want to hear the answer, but, after a pause, he hesitantly nodded. He still didn't entirely understand, but, all things considered, he assumed that this was what she meant, and this was what he felt. Before he could say anything about it, she went on. "I see. Does she know?" Again, he took some time to collect his thoughts before he shook his head. "Why not?" He shrugged because he couldn't figure out what to say to her. "Are you going to tell her?" Once more he stood still, considering what to do and say, and had no words. She took his silence to mean "no," and moved to her next query. "Mmm. Where is she, just out of curiosity?" There were so many things he could have said, but he settled on one.

"Here."

"Here as in here in town? Someone you have class with who lives in the dorms now?" She wasn't going to make this easy.

"No, I mean _here_." He couldn't figure out how to make that any clearer.

"She lives on this street?" She seemed unwilling to believe that it was her anymore.

"Damn it," he growled, sick of this game, "it's _you_." She studied him for a few moments, and her frown deepened.

"I already told you to stop –" Lenalee was cut off because Kanda seized her; he was tired of listening to all of that. So, to shut her up, he did the only thing he could think of in this situation: he kissed her.

She was stiff with surprise and didn't respond at all. When he pulled away, she had an odd expression on her face.

"Why did you do that?" she finally asked. The umbrella had fallen to the side, and the rain fell harder through the hanging branches of the tree, getting them both wet.

"Damn it," he said again, "are you going to believe me or just keep toying with me?" She looked offended.

"I'm not trying to toy with you," she snapped, more irritated than before. "I've set myself up for disappointment three times already. I know you heard me on the phone, and I don't know whether this is real or if you're doing this because you feel sorry for me." A car rolled up. "That's my brother. I have to go." She took off his jacket and handed it back to him. "I'll see you on Monday."

Lenalee got into the car without another word, her brother speaking to her in the language they used when Kanda first met him. As she got in, and before she closed the door, strains of the song on the radio reached him.

_I stop to see a weeping willow/ Crying on his pillow/ Maybe he's crying for me/ And as the sky turns gloomy_

The door slammed shut, and the car sped off. He was left standing under - how ironic - a weeping willow in the rain.

It was getting dark, but he knew that it wasn't late enough for him to be home (his mother would be furious if he arrived home early); the evening stretched out in front time him, long and somehow mocking because if he hadn't been such an idiot...

He stood under that tree for over an hour, the wind blowing and the branches waving around him, thinking about how, if he hadn't been such an idiot, Lenalee would still be there.


	3. The Age of Innocence

Standard disclaimers apply here. Do note that the rating went up, but not by much. It's nothing to be concerned about. Also note that this is the last part.

_The Age of Innocence_ is by Edith Wharton. Significance is at the end. The name of this part probably isn't incredibly obvious, but I won't give away the section that has the implications of the title, so to speak. Hopefully it was clear why the other two parts were given the names they have, but eh. Thank you to everyone who reviewed~. This took a while to finish because I wasn't happy with how it initially turned out, and I had two papers due this past week so I had to focus on them instead. But they're done (yay), and so is this. This is probably the most edited of the three parts (been working on it for literally almost a day, save sleep, bus, walking, and class...I'm posting it now because otherwise I'd spend another day reworking it, and I don't want to), but hopefully all of that paid off/it doesn't suck. I struggled a little with how to end it, but I settled on that because it seemed good. Feedback would be lovely.

* * *

_The Age of Innocence_

The weather slowly became colder over the next few days.

Lenalee came into the library that Monday with a smile on her face, and didn't say anything about the previous Friday. Instead, she only asked if he had started the next book for his class, which Kanda hadn't. She proceeded to scold him before he could explain.

Not that he would have told her the reason for it if she hadn't started in on how he "needed to keep up" and so on and so forth. He had been trying to think of something to do or tell her that day. In doing so, he ended up completely ignoring his homework. And despite all the time he spent considering the situation and neglecting schoolwork, he had nothing to show for it. She didn't mention it or even act differently that afternoon, however, and he wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"What are you studying now, anyway?" she inquired once she was satisfied that she had put her point across. She set her bag on the table and shed her new, thicker jacket before looking at him when he didn't answer. He had watched her do this, slightly distracted, but then sat down and pulled out the novel. "Ah, _The Age of Innocence._ I've heard about it but never had the chance to read it. I'll be right back. Start it now." She said this firmly over her shoulder as she walked away, so he picked up the text and did just that.

Lenalee reappeared with a copy of the book. "I'm going to read it with you," she informed him when he glanced up. After she firmly opened it as an indication for him to do the same (he had shut his edition when she arrived), she settled in and began the novel as well. She focused all of her attention on it, and he realized later that her gaze never strayed from the prose in front of her.

* * *

When they met that Wednesday, Lenalee had finished the book. Kanda had made it halfway through – as far as he needed to be, of course.

"Well, that was interesting," was all she said in regard to it. He stared her for a few moments, and she turned to her notebook, apparently fascinated with the notes she took. As she eyed her own handwriting, she hummed, directing a thought at it. Her voice was so low that he couldn't make out what she was muttering; all he caught was, "like real life."

"What?" He usually wouldn't be very interested in the conversations people had with inanimate objects (not that he came across many who spoke to them), but in this case he wanted to know.

"I was thinking about how these books that you've been reading recently are…I don't know," she stopped before divulging what she had murmured to the words on the page. "The protagonists are...well, it certainly takes them some time to come to certain realizations." She was aware of the blank look he was giving her; he didn't understand what she was trying to imply. "Anyway, let's start talking about this." He hesitated, but nodded mutely.

* * *

Lenalee's behavior was odd and sporadic throughout the next month. Sometimes she was moody and tired, but those instances were few and far between; for the most part she acted the way she normally did. Even so, it made no sense to Kanda, and was so unsettling when it happened that he started contemplating that, too. He didn't know what to do, especially since she never brought up that rainy day in October. Not that he had any idea of what to do if she did; he _still_ couldn't find the right words.

One cold Friday at the end of November, Komui wasn't waiting for them as they exited the building.

His mother was sitting in the car, squinting out the passenger's side window. When she saw them walk out she rolled it down and waved to them as if she was trying to get their attention, even though they had clearly already seen her.

"What is it?" Kanda demanded when they were close enough to hear each other.

"Drop the tone, Yu," she said curtly, and turned to Lenalee. "You must be Lenalee; it's so nice to finally meet you."

Lenalee, who had been smiling behind her hand at the exchange between Kanda and his mother, let her arm fall, no longer hiding the pleased expression on her face. "I've been looking forward to this," she told her, sounding eager and a little apprehensive. He couldn't figure out why she was so excited to see his mother.

"Well, come on, get in the car." His mother reached to grab the door, and Kanda was surprised when Lenalee immediately moved to get in. "Yu, don't hold us up."

He narrowed his eyes. "What's going on?"

"I told you about this last night," his mother responded, scolding him for not listening without actually saying it, "I invited Lenalee over for dinner to thank her for all her help. And don't tell me you didn't hear me ask you to clean up your room last night; if it's still a mess, we'll eat without you."

"I heard that," he snapped, and got in the back.

"Yu." She somehow admonished him with his own name (he never knew how she did that), but didn't add anything to it. "Now let's go eat."

* * *

Lenalee charmed his mother throughout dinner, and they discussed literature during the meal. His mother had been an English major in college, but ended up working in an office for a lab. She declared that she didn't know how she gave birth to a son who was so bad at the subject. Kanda scowled and Lenalee laughed a little, eyes sparkling.

"He's not that bad," she replied as his mother took the dishes into the kitchen; Lenalee tried to help clean up but the older woman refused. "A person can't be good at _every_ subject. I'm not very good at science so my brother has to help me with it all the time."

"Really? I can't imagine that; your report card always has all As on it." Lenalee flushed bright red.

"Is my brother still taking those to work with him? I asked him to stop a long time ago." She sighed and put her hand on her face, trying to cover the blush.

"I can't see why you're ashamed," his mother said to her as she returned with dessert. "You always receive such good grades."

"He does it without my permission. I don't like that."

"Ah. Well, I suppose I understand why you feel the way you do." There was a brief pause as she ate some of the cake she brought out. "Yu, you've been awfully quiet this whole time." He directed another scowl at her; was he _ever_ talkative? But he didn't ask that question because he knew the response would be to not snap at her or lose the tone, so there was no reason to talk at all.

Lenalee giggled, irritation over the previous subject gone. "It's alright, Mrs. Kanda; isn't that normal, after all?"

"Yes, of course; I was teasing him." Kanda set his fork next to the plate, his dessert untouched.

"I'm finished." He pushed back from the table.

"Yu, don't. That's rude," she scolded, but didn't sound as sharp as usual. "Wait until Lenalee is finished. She's our guest."

"It's fine," Lenalee spoke up. "I'm done."

"Well then," his mother clasped her hands together and smiled, "Yu, why don't you show Lenalee around the house?"

* * *

After taking her from room to room because he was essentially forced to by his mother, they somehow ended up in his bedroom. Kanda had cleaned it the preceding night after being told to do it, but he hadn't realized that anyone else would actually be in his room, much less Lenalee.

He hadn't remembered that he had left something out that he didn't want her to see. By the time he noticed it, she had, too. Curiosity took her to his dresser, and any notions of privacy were ignored as she picked up the open notebook and started to read what was written in it. This was probably because her name was clearly visible on the face of it.

Her eyes were halfway down the page by the time he found it in him to move, and took it away from her. She looked surprised, and not just because what she had been holding had been yanked away from her suddenly.

"Is all of that true?"

"Why else would I have written it down?" He flipped it shut and tossed it away. Inside were lines and lines of things he thought of telling her that never came out the way he wanted them to. He didn't know why he kept it; maybe to remember them if he ever decided they sounded right. But he was never very good at expressing himself in words, and this was no exception. However, she had seen most of it, and was standing in the middle of his room, completely bewildered.

"You know, I don't know if I understand you," she stated after thinking for a long time.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Irritation from his privacy being invaded (and the fact that she saw what he didn't want to show anyone) made him snap at her, but she didn't react to it.

"You're constantly pushing me away, and when I think that you are sending signals of…_something_, you turn me down. I thought there was something there from the beginning, since you kept staring at me." She paused, and he didn't want to reveal that he did that because he was lost in thought and didn't know he was doing it until he had been for a while...or was that the truth? Had he really not understood it since the start? "Then I thought _maybe_ those books you were reading would, I don't know, kick start an idea in your head. I'm not sure why, but it didn't do anything anyway.

"Of course, I figured you'd understand what I meant in all of this and either respond or turn me down once and for all; neither happened, which is why I was so frustrated that day and called you an idiot. (I'm sorry for that, by the way; I don't think I ever apologized.) I didn't want to keep going back and forth in my head about it, but there was nothing definite enough for it to stop.

"Then you found me, said some things to me…and kissed me. But I didn't believe it because it felt fake...like there was pity behind it." He attempted to interrupt her there, but she held up her hand and continued. "I've been trying to get over this ridiculous crush for almost a year, ever since I last saw you, but it never wants to go away. And after what happened in October…I went over that day in my mind for so long, and even though I thought it was fake at first, I assumed after _that_...but it's been the same as always. Except…

"Except there's this now. I see this and I don't know what to think. So let's just get this over with: give me an answer." She stood resolutely in front of him and he didn't know what to do. What did she want him to say? He couldn't think of anything, as usual, and his notebook of rejected words was across the room. She became less steadfast as his silence continued, unsure of what to expect.

In the end, he gave up. "Yes." It wasn't amazing or even very clear, but it was all he could come up with.

"Yes?" she repeated.

"You didn't say what you wanted," he responded. "So that's what it is: yes." She frowned and studied him for a good minute. He didn't back down or look away, meeting her gaze evenly.

She sighed and shook her head. "I can't figure out what you mean by that. 'Yes' could be in response to so many things, but I guess that's the best answer I'll get." She reached into the back pocket of her pants. "It's getting late. I'll call my brother; he said he would come and get me."

"Stop." She did, taken aback by his sudden command. "You're an idiot," he told her, the scene from the previous month somehow replaying with them in reversed roles. Annoyance showed on her features when he called her that, but before she could counter it, he did exactly what he had done the cold October evening: he took two steps toward her, grabbed her, and kissed her. Actions spoke louder than words, after all; he hoped that she wouldn't take this as pity like before because he was sick of all of it.

She didn't do anything, similar to the first time, and when he pulled back, there was the same lack of reaction.

"Is that a better answer?" he finally asked; he still had a hand curled around each of her arms, holding her there. After a long moment, she shook his hands off. All of her words were gone, it seemed; once she poured her heart out, she appeared tired from it and took some time to process this.

She said nothing for a while, but then nodded, and replied, "You know, I think I do understand you now." She reached for him, and he didn't hesitate to meet her halfway.

* * *

The dream from almost two years ago played in the back of his mind. Perhaps it was because this was so...similar.

Kanda pushed the door closed – careful not to slam it because of the...other person in the house – but it was Lenalee that took them to the bed.

He pulled away and reached to brush a few strands of hair away from her face. She started to take off her shirt.

"Lenalee!" They both jumped at the sound of his mother's voice, loud and abrasive in the quiet room. "Your brother is here to take you home!" She paused, her shirt almost halfway off. He forced himself to look elsewhere.

Lenalee muttered something in what he guessed was Mandarin – she'd mentioned that she spoke it with her family recently – and smoothed her shirt down. Kanda moved off her, and she sat up and frowned for a moment before she glanced at him.

"Sorry," she apologized, straightening her clothes further and running her fingers through her hair, "I made it clear to my brother that I'd call him, but I guess he forgot." The tone of her voice and her expression indicated that she didn't actually believe that. She lingered in his room when he left, but when he went back to see what she was doing, she stepped out into the hallway. She gave no explanation and moved past him, seeming pleased with herself.

They descended the stairs just as his mother started move toward them, obviously intending to go upstairs instead of calling them again. Komui was watching them, his gaze sharp. He was less concerned with threatening Kanda now, for some reason; not that he ever cared or paid attention to it.

"Lenalee was a lovely guest," his mother gushed when she returned to where Komui was standing, and he nodded, smiling widely now.

"She's always been a wonderful girl," he responded with the same enthusiasm. Clearly this was a favored topic, based on how his face lit up and the liveliness in his speech.

"Komui." Apparently, she was able to attach admonishment to one word, reminiscent of his mother's technique; she followed it with a sigh, but her smile widened. "All right, let's go home." Komui nodded at this as well. She turned to Kanda and said only, "I'll see you on Monday, okay?"

"Yeah," he replied, not meeting her eyes. She beamed nonetheless and walked toward her brother. He held out his arm and she took it with a laugh, looking back once to wave at him.

"She's lovely," his mother repeated once Lenalee and Komui had left. "I'm sure she'll make someone very happy someday. Komui says that she doesn't date now, though." (He hadn't divulged that it was because he scared away all possible suitors.)

Kanda wasn't about to tell his mother anything concerning what had happened, so he didn't reply.

"She does," she continued, "seem to like you a lot, however." How had she seen that when she'd only known Lenalee for a few hours? "I suppose it's too bad that she doesn't date, because you certainly could use a girlfriend."

Kanda left at this, irritated.

"Oh, Yu, it's true and you know it!" she called after him. She sounded amused and matter of fact simultaneously, and he half-wondered how she could achieve that.

He went back into his room and picked up the notebook. Half of what he had written in it sounded ridiculous now; he almost threw it away but couldn't bring himself to. He considered giving it to her, but recanted that idea, wondering why he even thought of it. In the end he threw it in his closet. He didn't need it now.

He noticed belatedly that there was a piece of paper on his desk. It had obviously been torn from the notebook he had just tossed into the closet; it was odd, because it had been in the same place it landed before when he went to pick it up. Nevertheless, he strode over to where it lay and grabbed it. This was why Lenalee had stayed in his room after he left: to leave him a note.

He went and sat on his slightly rumpled bed. As he read it, the corner of his mouth twitched before turning up.

* * *

Notes: In _The Awakening_, there is a love affair, but the two are forced apart at the end. In _The Remains of the Day_, the narrator (a butler) can't see that he's in love with the housekeeper, and she ends up marrying someone else. In _The Age of Innocence_, which I never entirely read, the main character is getting married to one woman but is in love with another, but society ultimately keeps them apart. I don't need to explain _The Great Gatsby_, do I? Walking After Midnight is about a woman going out on midnight walks, like she used to do with her lover. And "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" is...hard to explain and apparently quite debated. What I had in mind was Prufrock's difficulty with saying what he wants to say. So it was all an attempt to tease/imply that this would go the opposite what that it did. I'm not sure it worked, but it was fun for me, at least.


End file.
